I just wanted to add, that whether we see it or not, both people in the relationship are responsible for the patterns. One person takes action and the other reacts to that, back and forth, back and forth. And it's usually very subtle.
Bottom line is my H never new how his words affected me, or were beginning to affect us.
Sox
This is true and important to remember, how our words and moods affect the other person, and how we influence patterns in the R. I can recall many times when my W would ask for suggestions regarding restaurants, and how I would dismiss her suggestions. I was under the false impression, that she should tolerate my comments and moods, no matter what. She still says that I can be abrupt (impatient), I had no idea I had such a terrible attitude and communicated so poorly before. I blamed her for my lack of skill and effort.
I let her know that I didn't have the money for the dog's daycare. I knew it would stress her out, but I didn't think I should bear the problem myself. I proposed scaling back his daycare to two days per week until she gets some additonal cash flow beyond the cooking job. She insisted on keeping the dog in daycare three days per week, and will cover the expense.
The dance competition is this weekend. My W attended a make-up workshop over the weekend, and afterwards went to a high-end make-up store to purchase make-up. I must admit it does look good on her. She's procrastinated on putting together two costumes. I've let it be her problem. She's been getting assistance and offers to borrow clothing from classmates at the studio. The most important thing is the dance preparation, and I think we're ready and will do fine. Maybe some luck will go our way, and we'll win at least one event. I expect her to be stressed the day of the competition, so I'll need to make sure I'm in partner mode, and don't forget I'm not there to strictly enjoy myself, and give her some latitiude as this is our first experience competing as a couple. This has been my project from the beginning, so I need to take a leadership role and be attuned to her experience.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
