They don't get it, until they get it

[Augtan]

K- you are so right, there are tons of those people, imo, more women than men who will be attracted to a married man and wants to and is willing to listen to his lies and cheat with him. But, it also depends on the type of man, my XH just isn't the type that a ton of women are going to go after or pursue, he just isn't a chick magnent at all. So, while I know those women are out there, they are looking for something better than what they have (majority of them), not my XH who isn't going to be that. It would take all day to explain why and how my XH ended up with the OW he did, but I am confident he wouldn't have found another one anytime soon, at least while he was still living with me and trying to be in our marriage. Had he really gone looking, hunting and pursuing, maybe, but not in his personality to do that. He has no "game" so to speak.

And, what Beatrice says is true imo too, the worse/crazy the OP's are the more severe the MLC, the OW's in my XH's life (the second one is post D, but still considered an OW to me since he was coming and going from me when they were together) are just god-awful, horrible, immoral, lost custody of their kids, whores!! But, my XH choses them, because they are so awful and don't make him feel so bad about what he has done or is doing to his own family.

Of course every single situation is different, but many have so many things in common we can draw together and help each other!! I am taking Abnormal Psy. right now in college, went back Winter quarter, would love to be able to find enough in print to do a research paper on MLC, but not sure there is enough, it is truly a mental illness, imo!!

I know.. I miss my old H so much it is nuts. He had to have lost his marbles, he loved me so much, he looked at me with such loving eyes and gave me his loving heart for over 20 years!! I can pinpoint the moment in time that he changed and if he hadn't changed dramaticlly at that time I would have never been able to pin it down to a near exact time!! So sad, and even sadder for our kids who he was an incredible father to until he lost it.

That is what keeps me stuck at times too, believe me, I can say I am moving on, but I am mearly walking down the hall with the door open behind me! Stole that from another post...

A