thought things were going well..now very confuse?

[Rileybug]

Hi,
I have not posted in several weeks because things were going so well.
Found out sunday before thanksgiving husband was chatting on fb with another women. He said they never met and she lives several hundered miles away but he their conversations became very personal and not appropriate. He stated he felt she was someone he could talk to and I was no longer the person I used to be. He agreed to stop all contact but became very distant, talked about seperation and started blaming me for all of our promblems.
I started doing the 180 and things changed he started warmng back up, talking to me going to functions. We even went on a weekend trip that had been planned before all this went down. Christmas was great spent time with our familys traveled and picked up funiture from my moms. Began talking about funture plans trips etc. He started saying I love you during phone calls and at home and our sex life has been better than in years.
Then yesterday he started acting real funny again stating he was depressed didn't know why, he even acted distant with friends at a dinner party we went to. I noticed on our computer he was looking at rental property and when I asked him about it he said it was in case we decide to sell he wanted to see what was out there...didn't really believe this. Aslo notice he had searched for flights to dc where he does travel for work but also where ths other women lives.
I decided to confront him and he stated he is not talking with her anymore and it wasn't about her. He said he is just unhappy when he should be content, says the last two years have been difficut and he doesn't feel the same way anymore WTF. He just gave me a birthday card and gift last week and sined it Love you always!!! I have avoided all r talks and now I wish I hadn't pushed him today to talk, but needed to know if the other person was still involved in our situation.
What should I do now. I was so hopefull and feel so lost again.
We have been married 9 years and have a 3 and 5 year old. He is not only been distant the last few days with me but with them.

Help

[Ruikee]

Riley,
I am sorry you are here. Kind of the same with me, only a month before leaving, we took a family trip to turks and caicos. Obviously as the pics look she was very happy as were the kids. When she left, she said she has been uphappy for some time. go figure. There are alot of good people here that will give you support and offer some insite. Good Luck and may God be with you....

[Rileybug]

Thanks for the support:) I really need any advice. His behaviors are just so confusing. One minute he is saying I love you at the end of our phone calls and before bed and the next he is distant and cold. We have been more intimiate in the last month than in the last several months.
I have been doing good with the advice Sandy gave me. I just need to stop obsessing about the women he was e-mailing. He did admit she sent an email wishing him a merry christmas...I think there is more to it but don't know. I feel like if I leave it alone it will burn itself out (she lives several hundred miles away)...never thought I would be the type of person to look the other way.

Tori

[MrBond]

How old is your H? Sounds like a typical MLC. Has there been any "triggers" (life changes) that might have made him start to re-evaluate his life? Job change, career loss, death of a family member, added responsiblities, birthday, etc.?

[Rileybug]

He is 34. He took the last year (starting jan 10) off work with pay to finish is phd. Since he was going to be home more I started working and he would watch the kids a few days a week. He also stated a new businsess on the side which put a lot of strain on us. It was a very stressful year and everything came to a head in November when I discovered him chatting with another women. We went to couceling but honestly it made things worse. He has changed so much. He has always been a the grass is greener and is always seaching for what would make him happy. Never thought his obsessive personality would led him to think it was his family. In the past he as obsessed about moving, chaninging jobs, selling our house to move to a new neigborhood, starting a new business on the side etc.
Now he says he is unhappy and should be happy (has a great job, friends, kids) and blames it on me. It is CRAZY we have a great life, great friends, lovely home, we have always been close up unil the past two months. He says now he hasn't been happy in a long time, is agitated all the time.
I was hopeful after thanksgiving. I got the book DB and stated working it and it seemed to be working. He talks about our future, kisses me bye, talks and jokes around. Then last Saturday he started pulling away again. I hate this it is making me sick!! I should also mention he is on anti-depressent and is drinking a lot lately. He always gets depressed the days after her drinks.

uggg sorry to ramble just need to talk to someone

[MrBond]

Well at 34 he's too young to be going through an MLC. It sounds like his obsessive/compulsive nature. He feels he has to do certain things and feels like he's been held back.

My W is a little like that. M counseling doesn't cut it in those cases. They have to go into IC to see why they are so restless.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

While I believe that MLC is misused at times.

It should just be a "life crisis".

Mid- has little to do with it, be it 40's or 50's. But the acronym "MLC" seems to stick.

[sandi2]

I didn't think you were suppose to drink when taking AD's.

Sometimes a person has to try several types of AD's before finding one that works. Doesn't sound as if his is working at all.

[Rileybug]

Sandi your are correct. Both his doctor and I have talked to him about drinking and taking ad. They are not effective if you drink.
He admitts he is going through a crisis. It is like a roller coster. One day he is affectionate and relaxed and the next he is distant and cold. Today has been a good day, he talked about what time of apartment we would get if he does a rotation in DC about the future. But he is still not as nice or caring toward me.
I can tell when I do the 180's you recommended back in november he starts to not want to push us away. I have avoided r talks, acted like everything was fine, started working out in the evenings and having him watch the kids. I also noticed it is best when we are busy. I feel like a mad women trying to come up with activites for us on the weekend. If I don't he sits on the computer all day. He is the type of person who needs to be busy or he gets down restless, and stressed.

[sandi2]

You are working really hard to do what's best for him....even if he isn't able to see that right now. I know it must be exhausting for you. Are you having any "down time" for yourself where you relax?

If there is anything harder than being depressed...it has to be "living" with the one who is depressed. God bless you!