Since she hasn't spoken her complaints, what has changed about you personally from the time you were first in love til now?
What are the differences between you and her exH?
Like I said earlier, I've been through my own midlife transition. Under the stresses of life: bills, job, kids, increasing distance from W, I retreated to my man cave: the screened in porch where I enjoyed sports, beer and a good cigar. Mind you now, I wasn't trying to get away from anyone, I just couldn't smoke indoors and the kids were more often than not hogging the TV with some show or playing wii. But it made me look really bad. She even complained once that I was watching the same show outside that they were watching inside, but I was puffing on a stoogie so whatever, no excuse I guess. Hind sight is 20/20.
One of my biggest mistakes was trying to shelter her from the worry of how really bleak things were at work with the crumbling economy and all (I'm in construction). I should have confided in her like the marriage partner I was supposed to be.
The changes I have made so far has been to try and do more with the kids, like the board game we were playing the other night. Over Christmas break we all went to the movies as a family to see Narnia and Tron. I've cut way, way back on the beer, even lost a couple inches. I've always worked out so that's nothing new. Since W is kind of avoiding me, I save the cigars in the man cave until kids in bed or immersed in homework. You know how kids always procrastinate till late.
The one thing that really matters I cannot do anything about now, which is taking her for granted, thinking she'd always be around - no matter what. I kind of enjoyed unwinding by myself or with a buddy, knowing in the back of my mind, W was gonna be around, even if things were rocky, we'd get around to talking about it sooner or later. Like a fool I waited for her to take the lead. I just did not see, or hear, or ignored, the signs or was afraid to push someone on depression meds, plus she was being unpleasant, I don't know - just classic taking the spouse for granted.
What is the difference between me and OM? Well he's an old flame yet a novelty and with intreague, at least before she went to visit him. His emails "woo" her (her exact words on bomb day) Physically he's no Adonis (seen his facebook, more like Danny Divito) but does have a height advantage. W is my height and in our better days would always wear flats (for me) but these past months - nothing but heels. I know practically nothing about him since they were long divorced befor W and I even met, I did not inquire 'cause I was not interested. She'd had other BF's in between.
I don't think she's that taken him, it's just that since he initially got her all excited, I think she obviously wants a more out of life than she forsees in the future with me, probably a romance novel experience before getting too old and, well, I am in the way. Her diet is nothing but cashews, cheese & crackers, and salad. She seems hell bent on losing those last few pounds. I don't know her anymore. She was always a moral, good person, and I don't want to sound like I am judging, (God knows I'm no saint) but now it wouldn't surprise to be served tomorrow.
The only time she wants to "talk", it's about D, never about R or M. I just don't [edited word--dbmod] know. (sorry)
Last edited by dbmod; 01/11/1106:41 PM.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
