They don't get it, until they get it

[Augtan]

I agree that they need to deal with what has caused them to seek out the feeling the affair or drug or gambling gives them in the first place, absoultley!! My ex is also an alcholholic, so we deal with that on and off too and have since I have known him.

They have so many issues and are very damaged. But, although there are many of us on here and many people having or that had affairs, I don't think finding someone to cheat with you as a married man or woman is super easy as it seems, especially for certain men or women. While I know he very well might have done that, it would not have been as easy as it was for him had he not had her right there waiting to pounce and take him back, forgive all she knew he has said and done to her, etc. She has no self-esteem or self-worth, thus the sleeping with and pursuing a married man thing and waiting in the wings while he was with me for over 2 years!!! Not all woman or men do this thing and I don't think you find one at every place of business, maybe I live in la-la land but I chose to see the good and not the bad all the time.

I will never really know, cause it was easy for him, she was easy in all ways, super ugly and a whore, but that made it all the easier for him. I just know that with any OW or OM in the picture, there is no way to see your marriage clearly and to evaluate the real chance of making the marriage work if there is a third person in the marriage. I believe that had she dumped him before we were divorced, we would still be together, because I think he would have realized his mistake and wanted to get help for us, he would still be and is in MLC, but we would have had a chance had he been willing to get professional help, but since OW was right there, he didn't see the need, she would save him and make him feel better, why work on something that doesn't feel good when there is something waiting for you that does feel good and it is all about the MLC'er so they don't (all the stuff we have said on here a million times) do what normal people would do, they run!! If he hadn't had the OW to run to, knowing him like I do, he would have stayed and worked on our marriage in therapy.

But, he didn't and now this is where we are, he is still messed up in MLC and I am moving forward and not looking back anymore! I will always love him and pray for him, cause I still believe the man I married is in there somewhere, but I am not putting my life on hold anymore. He is on his own journey and I am on mine.

A