People often do the thing they hate most, they thing they think they would never do. It doesn't make it ok, but it makes us human. Coming back around full circle can be a strong act of love.
Detaching and waiting MIGHT be enough.
Protecting her children from the same trauma she had MIGHT work, but if she has a brain fog going, it might take more than that. What things do you think you could do that would make you a more attractive option?
Having fun is a strong 'bonding' agent. What activities have you two done together in the past that were a lot of fun? Or what is 'out there' that you two never did together, but always wanted to do?
Howa re other thigngs going for you--job etc--again I apologize if I missed it...I will go back and read again as well.
After 18 years of marriage, there were a lot of fun times we shared together. Mostly those were times in the company of friends and family, like parties, vacations, get-togethers, sporting events.
When it comes to one on one with only me, we only dated ten months before the wedding and it seemed like a whirlwind, our destiny, I’ve found my soul mate kind of thing. We were happy just planning and nest building, shopping, watching TV, being around each other, nothing extra special. It was enough or so it seemed to me at least. But she always seemed to have the most fun in a group setting and that’s the way it’s been to this very day.
I cannot think off the top of my head anything we always wanted to do together but never got around to. Funny thing: we always wanted a pool, and this past summer in the midst of her EA she initiated that endeavor almost on impulse; I went along even though it put us further debt. Perhaps there’s a communication breakdown there, we haven’t talked those kinds of dreams, except of course the fantasy things we don’t have the money to do.
In 2007 we did take the kids and met extended family on an awesome vacation trip, Hong Kong, Beijing, London, Paris, a whole month. But since then only she and the kids have been anywhere, like Disney or Washington DC. Work was good and I got paid for that whole month. She’s a teacher so she gets time off in the spring and all summer. With the economy tanking since 2008, I’ve had to work and couldn’t (or felt at the time I couldn’t) take any time off. I think she resented that I did not plan to go on those trips.
As far as the job goes, I’ve endured two pay cuts since 2009, taking home 60% of what was and there’s no time off with pay. I can take off any time I want now without pay.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
