Hi all, just popping back by to update and catch up. I have been visiting a new board, but I miss my DB peeps. Though I may not like some of the parental moderating that goes on here, the people who post here have been my lifeline through the worst of my crisis.
So, to update: Christmas was strangely one of the best that I have had in a long time. New traditions and focusing on my sweet little girl kept me mostly sane. There was some sadness too, but overall it was good. I made my holiday plans and told H he could come or not, my only goal was not to stress over anything. H came over a lot more than I expected for Christmas. We both went to SIL2’s house Christmas Eve & then H came to open gifts with us on Christmas Day. He seemed to genuinely have fun, but disappeared for the second half of the day and all through the next day too. Suspect he was spending that time with OW.
For New Years I took D3 to her cousin’s giant party. He stayed away, mostly work, but a party somewhere too. He did wish me a happy new year during D’s goodnight call.
My 11 year anniversary came and went this past Sunday. H even came over, but neither of us said anything about it. He was only over for a little while, mostly to visit D3. He brought over lunch and we played in the snow with D.
H’s new restaurant is finally opening this week. There seems to be some animosity between H & one of the owners. Not BIL, but even there H seems not to be talking much. Also am pretty certain that whatever H thought was going to be his role in the restaurant he didn’t get as much as he thought he would get.
H’s general pattern seems to be to keep his schedule to himself. My notice for his visits are very last minute, but I am seeing him much more than I expected to. On the phone H chats more. He often sounds quite sad. He is less physical around me, but seems relaxed. It’s the sadness that comes through to me right now, though H tries hiding it.
So far I have not seen divorce papers. H hasn’t mentioned the “D” word either. Money and time are likely the reason for that, but I think a general lack of motivation is contributing too. I also suspect H may be using being ‘technically’ married to keep OW at bay. He is a distancer to the core.
Currently having a very peaceful spell, despite D3 deciding last night to spill about OW being at the camping trip back in October. It was old news. Sure messed with my sleep though.
I am detaching more every day, though I have cycled hard quite a few times over the holidays. I am also learning to ‘listen’ to my intuition. I’m starting to build a life for myself and D where we will be happy and safe. I am staying out of H’s way and using this time to build strength and see my H as he is rather than as I wish.
I pray for him a lot these days too. H is out of my hands and there is so much work still to do on myself.
