Nas, I don't know your entire sitch but if this new development is true I feel really bad for you.

I think you need to back off and seriously think about if this is something you can deal with and continue to want to M to work. My W cheated on me prior to us getting married, and slowly we worked through it and I was able to trust her again.

I also think someone with more DB experience can comment as to what to do with the sitch now, whether to confront your W or wait for her to tell you.

How long has she been involved with OM?

Me - 34
W - 33
M - 8 years
T - 15 years
D7, D5, D2
Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY"
W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011