Separated for 11 weeks (long)...

[thatgirl007]

Woke up this a.m., got ready for work, dragging along feeling a little restless and uncertain, but also optimistic about my life. Came downstairs to put on my boots and head out the door. There was this quiet scratching at my door. I got scared and my heart jumped in my chest. I peered through the peephole.

There was H.

I opened the door and his eyes locked on me. He looks at me a certain way now. Almost from the moment he told me that he was leaving, when we cried and carried on our hysterics that day. The way he looks at me - locking his eyes on me, devouring, like a magnetic force, honing in on me. And he kissed me and hugged me for a long time. I asked him if he needed anything.

"Just wanted to see you," he said. I smiled and told him I liked that and put my arms around his belly and just hugged him for a little while. Then, we chatted while I put on my boots just light talk. We walked down to my car, chatted a bit more and then hugged and kissed again.

He said that he would text me later and off I went.

Now, I am at work. I love H. He's going though his own thing right now and ultimately, the fate of our marriage is not in my hands, but I love him with all of my heart. I hope + pray that our marriage can be restored. I fully accept that now, I'm done fighting it. I think in the last few days I was fighting that tug, fighting going back to the full knowledge that I want to be with him because of how vulnerable that makes me.

But I can be vulnerable, there's nothing wrong with that. Along with that truth and vulnerability, I can also be strong. I can make good decisions. I can also focus primarily on myself and the life I want to lead. I can certainly and primarily still pursue my romance with myself.

I can, I can, I can! And I will, too. Onward and upwards!