My down times: There are times at night where I yell or curse god about the unfairness of it all. MLC is not a fair thing for the person going through it or the one on the receiving end. I still to this day cannot fathom how our minds are taken over to such a degree that every bearing we had in our life goes out the window. Is it a built in mechanism that allows us to reach spiritual heights that we need to live a meaningful life?(my opinion). If so why do so many people get stuck for such long periods. I like the place that i got to after MLC. It is a peaceful place internally. I do not like the place my wife is at. I wish I could help her but I can't. I do not like the short end of the stick I get from her. I do miss the closeness we shared, yes that is what I miss the most.
Just a quick story. I have a vendor i deal with. His MLC started at 40. He is now 55 and stuck. His life neither moves forward nor backward. I really fell sorry for him. When we talk, my gut tells me he will never come out of it. He talks about this constant feeling that something is wrong in his life. I remember that feeling well pre MLC. Post MLC the quietness and peacefulness that has replaced that feeling is awesome.
I do not know where this new journey will take me. I do not know if my family will be intact. I do not know if external happiness will come my way. I do not know if I will meet some one else. I do not know if my kids will be effected in the future because of this. What I do know is that I am a more peaceful person today having gone through MLC.
The above paragraph says one thing that I believe to be true. There are many more things in life that we don't know compared to what we know. That means life is basically a mystery. We try to cling to security but it is a myth. Control is the illusion in many ways.
Where will we all be when MLC passes by us, through us, or through the ones we love? my answer is I don't know. It remains to be seen. I think the sooner we realize that life is a mystery the sooner we can appreciate all that tests us. Does that mean we have to like it? No. It justs helps us let go of the fear of living.
Sorry if this sounds preachy but I have to remind my self of these things as well each and every day I get up. Especially now because they are difficult.
