Can't seem to tell what stage or what i'm doing

[Metal]

I'm drowning again. And can't tell which way is up.
Still don't know what stage I'm in or what my plan is.

Last night, she had a migraine headache, and I rubbed her neck/back, and later her feet. And it helped her feel better.

Later, She got up and went looking to make a Treat. I looked some too. Suggested hot-chocolate. She looked at me intently. And I said "what?", she says "you don't want to know", I start to worry. I say "Bad huh?", she says "Yeah", and she walks out of the kitchen to the bedroom. I get really worried and start thinking about maybe she had a secret about her recent OM and hot-chocolate. My mind starts racing, and worrying. I go in to her, and say "please tell me, I'd rather know that just keep imagining, and worrying". She says that she was just going to suggest "Friendly Sex, kind of like Friendly Backrub". I say I was relieved b/c I thought it was going to be about OM (really dumb thing to say). She gets really frustrated, and tells me to leave the room and "just get out". So I left the room. Later I go back in b/c kids are there too. I hang out and send them to bed. She says "you don't want to hear me talk, i have a lot of nasty things to say". I said that's ok, and she starts talking about how I manipulated her again w/fear. She is sick of my worrying and anxiety, how I worry about seatbelts, and all. She mentions that she hasn't been unfaithful, (but it wasn't very convincing). She talks about how I knew she was in trouble and had asked for help, but that I let her break, and her friends are the ones who cared for her. She wants separation. Leave her alone. Maybe in a year, things will be different, but she believes I wont want her in a year, b/c we are not compatible, and that I am only "afraid of losing". I listen to all this, and apologize for things. I am very understanding and I don't argue. I say, OK I get it. Separation. You'll have it. I'll start right now, and I went upstairs to bed.

I am having such trouble with this "Loving Detachment". B/c loving someone leads to attachment. It is so difficult. I know I shouldn't have worried, and I know I shouldn't have pursued her to ask. And I know I shouldn't have mentioned the OM (she hasn't seen him in 2 weeks, and I'm pretty sure its off). Am I playing both angles? Maybe I'm doing DB/LRT, but then flipping right back to repairing R.

So am I back to the drawing board? with DB and 180 and all? or was there something good here b/c she was considering Friendly-Sex. I dunno. I'm feeling really messed up right now.