Hope is both a wonderful and an awful emotion. I think most of us on this board have done everything we could based on hope. Hope that our X's would come to their senses and want to work on our relationship. The truth is, if our X's wanted to work on our relationships then they would. They would find a way to talk to us and/or be with us.
So, it all just boils down to common sense and that is what DB teaches us. We are to work on ourselves, focus on our children, GAL, and be pleasant with everyone (including our Xs).
We have all tried to "show" our X's that we changed, that we love them etc. They just don't see it because they are so focussed on themselves.
Why our X's do anything is something that we will never figure out, nor should we try. We are all so hurt that this person just got up and left and deceived us is too much to take. It is one of the worst experiences we will ever have.
Our X's lie and deceive us because they are weak and/or they do not want to hurt us further. The truth is, lying to us in an effort to protect us hurts us worse.
To answer your question; "Are you feeling any better with limited contact with your ex?" YES, I do feel better. I still check my email "hoping" to hear from her BUT I can function much better now. I don't have my expectations constantly crushed. So in a way I have slowed the roller coaster of emotions. I do feel bitterness every once and awhile though. I am at the stage where I am pretty mad at my ex for completely abandoning the life she and I created.
I think my X wants a good relationship with me to keep communications open about our kids. I do a lot of things with my kids and I think she wants to still be a part of that. Unfortunately I will no longer include her in all that I do with the kids. She made a decision to leave us so she will now have to live with that decision. She is also the kind of person that wants everyone to like her. I don't think she wants a good relationship with me in case she wants to reconcile. I don't think there are any feelings of guilt from my X at all. Her attitude is "oh well", it's very unfortunate that she lost feelings for me. Of course this is a very immature view of marriage, but that is what she feels.
Anyone that is really having trouble with the emotional roller-coaster I strongly suggest to try to back away from the whole situation. Don't be the "one with all the issues" in the eyes of our X. Be the strong one that is moving forward in life. As I have said...if our X's want us back then they WILL pick up the phone. Until then it's best to not have so much hope.
So, no this is not easy and somedays I am lonely, some days I am angry, some days I am happy and some days....well some days just drag on. BUT we will all get through this.
Yoh try not to worry that your son will become like your X. It's amazing how much our kids are pre-programed from the day they are born. Our children with have bits and pieces of their parents, bust mostly they will become themselves.
I completely agree with you about how grateful we are to have these boards. I appreciate and love when I get someone posting on my thread.
Yoh, try to vent your frustrations on this board and not to your X. 24 hours later you will feel better that you did.
((Hope you have a better day today.))
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
