I agree about the addiciton, but believe we have to look deeper and understand why people become addicted, and choose to stay addicted.
There is a debate about addcitive personalities, but all of the addicts I know [and I have worked as a volunteer] are very damaged people. The addiction of choice makes them feel good, better than they do in their daily lives.
A very wise person told me that if the addictive substance wasn't really enjoyable they wouldn't do it. It isn't until they are able to want to break free and have the support to do so, that they can give it up. This means facing the loss of the comfort from addiciton, the withdrawal symptoms, facing the mess they have made while addicted and dealing with what caused the addictive behaviour.
It is rare that families can provide this support without help. Some wives, and ex wives seem to be able to provide that support. I don't think however that it is as simple as whether we love them enough.
While I agree that they need to break free from the OW to 'recover' I also think until they have lived through their crisis the addictive behaviour will continue. In this it is different form a 'normal' affair. The OW is a symptom, and they may well find another. Just as many addicts give up one substance and take another, if they don't deal with it fully. Gambling gets substituted for drink for example.
So yes, your h went back to the crack house, but he may well have found another crack house if you had kept him away form that one. It isn't, imo the particular OW, but the need for the rush.
