Yes, I believe they do. I also suspect at some level when we are gone they will need something else to blame or take a long look at themselves . . . .
I think there are several MLC 'divorce models' - the ones that rush straight for the divorce, and then often marry OW, then the ones that wait some time before filing and prolong the process by all types of delays, sometimes even offering a spurious attempt at reconciliation. I don't know why some are so 'sure' and rush ahead, and others spin out the process, in defiance of all reason with regard to costs etc. Sometimes they are quite nice during this process, but still go ahead, while others stay mean.
But yes, I think it is about control and also blame. They need someone to feel responsible for all of this, and when the OW euphoria wears off, even if they remain together, the need for a scapegoat kicks in.
The other thiing you sometimes hear is that they somehow think it will wipe the slate clean. They do feel guilty at some level, and don't know how to deal with it. I am getting overtures for 'friendship' after a really hurtful divorce . . . . . I know it isn't real because he still isn't addressing any of his issues, but still needs to feel good about himself . . . . . It is as if they do not understand what divorce is really about - the severing of a legal contract and a solemn covenant, after which [apart from chldren is they are under 18] there is no further tie between us and them.
