Hi Pickle, I apologize if I've missed it, but I've been reading through and trying to find your wife's complaints. What's so appealing about her exH? You met in a single's group--what pulled you two together? You mentioned you drifted apart over the years...if you were to drift in her direction, what would you have to do?
Circumstances brought us together. Honestly, looking back I don't know what drew her to me, besides chemistry. I was 31 she 29, We seemed both ready to settle down. I was successful, confident but shy - still am to a degree. Life takes a toll and I've had my own midlife transition, but never dreamed things could get like this.
If I knew what would make her drift in my direction I would jump right on it. She's definately struggling with age. Depression has been in her family: cousin, mother, brother, I can think of right off the bat. The past year she's been, I cannot really describe it, a real bitch, to a point where I even fantasized D finding someone else to fill the void myself, but it was always fantasy, and then, you know what happens to a man when.....
To me it seems she came right out of the blue with the D bomb, when I fully and totally expected her to be the one to give me the ultimatum to do MC or retrouvaille. Said we've been living like roommates. Sh!t, I used to have fun with my roommates!
The catalyst was definately her exH seeking her out over the internet. She resisted at first, but after a couple of months caved and was drawn into an EA. He's married 10 yrs with a S6 and apparently unhappy so he went trolling.
Now she obviously thinks she's better off single and available for more romance, but I am the obstacle to those dreams. I can only draw her back if she realizes there's something worth salvaging, like protecting S11 from the trauma of D. Her own mother did the same to her and younger brother at about the same age, which she despises her mother for. So I Don't understand how she could be seduced by all this.
Over the past few weeks she's put more distance between us in spite of my LTR's 180's and GAL, but I get the sense that is a result of more internal conflict. Things are gonna come to a head soon: she'll either file and force a D down my throat or have second thoughts, but things are not going to go on the present way much longer. I'm just detaching and waiting.
The only thing I have going for me right now is that OM is 500 miles away and she cannot afford the time or $ to make further trips. It has to fizzle out if he remains with his W and S.
SO that leaves her MLC, stuck in a tunuel with me trying to draw her out into the real world. I am open to suggestions.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
