You seem to be sticking to your guns, even if it is killing you. I need to do the same, but instead I have continued to play the game, and hoping each interaction with ex is a good one, meaning one that gives me even a sliver of hope.
I have had a few good interactions, even today, but inadvertently, our son told me he had been with his Daddy when Daddy did errands for "Denise", a old girlfriend, and that Daddy had taken him to "Laura's", a woman he had a affair with while we were married, to help her start a fire. I was livid with him. He had agreed that he would not take our son around her, and infact he has taken him several times. Of course he turns this around on me, calling me bitter, telling me I am like my mother who he knows I would not want to mimic, with me then telling him, we would go back to everyother weekend visitation, instead of me letting him see our son whenever he wanted to. This made him livid of course, and he proceeded to hurt me even more, saying to the effect that he regretted how long he spend having a unhappy relationship with me. At that, I called him crying, and left a message telling him I never wanted to see him again, and that he just continued to hurt me more and more, and I had had enough. I haven't heard anything more from him.
To go within 30 minutes to having him initiate a phone call to see how our day was, to that ugly event is just crazy. I cannot do this anymore for my own sanity. I stay so hurt, and I worry about my son being around my ex so much, afraid that because he adores his father, he will take on more of his character traits than my own.
I don't know how to let go. The only way I can think I can begin to do that is not to see him anymore, and only to tx about our son what we need to. Are you feeling any better with limited contact with your ex? It sounds like you drew the line in the sand, and she is crossing over the line. And you said you think she wants to keep a good relationship with you, but why? I know why I want a good relationship with my ex, and its because I hope it leads to him coming home. Otherwise, I would probably feel apathetic about a relationship with my ex. I guess it is their guilt leading them to appear to care sometimes. Sure is confusing, and not just to me, but to my friends also. They can't believe how much he does for me, but it appears he does alot for many other woman too. He always did.
I am so grateful to have this place to be honest, and to know I am not alone.
