Piecing

[sandi2]

In the past, have you noticed if the weather affects you? There are many people who can experience deep depression during winter months. Science has proven that some people have to have the sunshine for good mental health. I personally know some folks who are affected just within a week or two of rainy weather.

[FindingMyVoice]

It certainly may be aggravating things. That's a really good thought Sandi, thanks for sharing that. I live in Canada, and our light is very short at this time of year. I think I'll start taking vitamins again to try and bump up my vitamin D level.

One thing I've noticed that is a little odd, is that since I've been on the ADs, I seem to be so teary, and get sad often. This morning I was writing in my journal - just some things my IC and I had discussed that seem to be 'settling' into place in my brain. I finished and went down to make my ttd list for the day with my H. I started feeling a little queasy and woozy (the ADs seem to be affecting my stomach when I haven't eaten for a while) so I quickly ate something; the nausea mostly went away, but all of the sudden I started to cry! And even in front of my H - I never used to do that - I usually only cried if I was alone. My H was a gem - he sat right down with me and we talked and sat together for a while until I was feeling better. But these sad spells - they're so odd. I've only been on the ADs for a week and a half. Will they go away once my body has adjusted to the meds?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

FMV.

I too suffered from anxiety and possibly a mild case of depression.
I chose to go with the natural route first. I took herbal teas to relax me and for sleep I took/take Valerian.

If your having troubles with the meds, maybe these may help.

gr8

[FindingMyVoice]

SG, all weekend your comments that this depression could actually be my life's breakthrough kept going through my mind. It gave me a lot of hope. And, to allow myself the rest without the guilt because it can be healing. As I went about my tasks this weekend I was mindful of that, and as soon as I felt that odd 'overwhelmed' feeling start, I put the ttd list away and headed for home. I actually had a nap on Sunday - a FULL hour and a half! Couldn't believe it. First time since the beginning of Nov. Thank you again, for your kind concern.

Thank you too, for your suggestions gr8. How has your anxiety and depression been? Hopefully it has begun to ease? I did try melatonin first, but it only seemed to work for a week or two. After that the sleep disruptions came back. This weekend I switched to a different anxiety/sleep aid and it seems to have worked well for the last two nights. Fingers crossed.

[sgctxok]

That is awesome, fmv!

I think it was true of me too, a couple of times, if I think about it. And it took me a very long time to be good at self care. (Just because I have moderated, and know DB techniques, etc, it does mean I DO it all well.)

About 6 years ago or so, my daughter had lots of problems, initially showing up as anorexia. Some of the therapy actually made things worse, and she ended up having all different kinds of meds, dianoses with depression, bipolar, and then borderline personality. Some of it rings true and some of it doesn't. But it took me down for awhile too. That's where I learned to use some of my DB skills with her, and with my job....and with myself to turn some things around and make some things better (I have to say she turned herself around, I didn't do that. But some things like: THE MEDIUM IS THE MESSAGE (we learned we did better during conflict if we texted each other rather than having a phone or in person conversation)). Anyway, I learned I needed to take care of myself better, give myself permission to be down.

Depression is like a flashing light or a GPS just telling you that you're going the wrong way. And thank God, because you didn't die or kill somebody. You get a chance to do things differently. But it really does begin with rest.

So go you! I'm proud of you!

I'm proud of you.

[FindingMyVoice]

Wow, SG that must have been so frightening. What an ordeal. If you don't mind sharing, how is your daughter now? how are you now? How did you find your way through the maze of all those diagnoses and be able to discern the right one? It must have taken quite some time to recover and heal your hearts and minds, and begin to trust again. Gosh I'm so sorry you had to go through so much. I'm intrigued to learn that you used some of your DB skills through the ordeal. If you don't mind sharing again, which ones did you find most useful?

Thank you again for your encouragement - it means a great deal to me.

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi all. Just a quick update. Slowly getting used to the ADs but am finding myself sleeping ALOT. Have also lost some weight and appetite has dropped; not sure if the extra weight was due to the depression (so losing it is a good thing); or if something's not quite right in my system or balance of meds yet. At least I'm not waking up crying or angry any more, or finding myself teary during the day.

Interestingly, I'm finding that I'm the one distancing in the M now; just don't feel like trying to do the work of connecting; it's so tiring; I'd rather just have a nap or go to work. I just kind of feel - flat. He asks me if I'm ok, and I say yes because I just don't feel like having another one-sided conversation where I talk, he listens (yay for that at least) and says things like 'well I just don't know what to say'. Talked to one of my girlfriends a couple of times, like Sandi suggested, but I don't know if it really made me feel any better. Maybe there's not much others can say to make it better.

I guess a lot of this comes down to me climbing out of it alone. The thought of it makes me tired, but maybe that's just the reality of it.

[sgctxok]

fmv-

I apologize, I'm not used to checking the Piecing forum. My daughter and I are in a very good place right now, but it was extremely difficult. She's 23 now. It started at around 16. At least the worst stuff.

She became anorexic about the fall of her sophomore year, took until near the holidays for me to find out. I hospitalized her. Here is where I should have followed a DB lesson: sometimes therapy hurts. The initial therapy helped, a transfer to an expert eating disorder hospital made thing extremely worse. The repercussions lasted years. She was thrown in the midst of all ages suffering eating disorders. I believe now young girls should not be placed with older women suffering the same disorder. What they learn is new bad problems. Plus, psychiatrists try out all different kinds of meds. I would never do this again.

When she first entered she was at the very top of her class (tied)--honors chemistry, physics and English. She ended up dropping out of HS.

After the 2nd hospital stay she got involved with cutting, drugs, alcohol, all kinds of different things. She became more agitated and fairly violent. During this time I found out I had colorectal cancer. (I feel like I'm telling someone else's story, but it's mine in a verrry brief nutshell). When I thought I was going to need chemo and radiation, she went to live with her dad 300 plus miles away. That ended up lasting a year. It turned out surgery removed all my cancer (knock on wood almost five years out), she moved back about a year later. There was a relapse in her behavior, but I sweartoGod that God walked into our lives in the form a police officer. Feels like it anyway.

She threatened to kill herself, so I called the cops. We had the most wonderful person arrive. He connected her to the local church. The woman there was the local women's chaplain at the county jail, she was also a foster mother for teens, and had a great heart for them. She was willing to talk with us.

It's easier to talk about DB than to DB.

This woman helped us set goals. Helped HER set goals. DB helped ME set goals. One of her goals was to get her GED. This took a very long time. She also had to volunteer at the church, just some office work.

These things were made and blown over and over and over again. It took about a year and a half.

Our communication was TERRIBLE. Very dramatic. All of the women in this household are very lively strong-willed people.

I learned to use THE MEDIUM IS THE MESSAGE. Godblesstextmessaging--it probably saved our relationship.
Who knew. We could not talk f2f. We could not talk over the phone without hanging up on each other (easier to moderate than it is to actually DB your children....or for me. I'm here because I understand, not because I'm the best at DOING it.).
We've been good for maybe 2 years if I have the timing all right.

We still have to use THE MEDIUM IS THE MESSAGE.


A CHEESELESS TUNNEL for us is to get in a long verbal conversation, it spins around and goes in crazy emotional directions.

I have to say, we dropped family counseling and she dropped personal counseling. The very best counseling was with this woman at this church. She hadn't heard of DB. But she was definitely solution oriented. And she was incredibly no-nonsense.

My daughter has her GED, is studying at the local community college and has maintained a steady job for a year and a half now. Now she wants to get a job that will pay for her BS. She is getting good at setting goals.

I can be succinct when giving advice....when I talk about myself, sometimes I'm all over the place, so I may need to clarify a point or two if this isn't clear.

[sgctxok]

Hi all. Just a quick update. Slowly getting used to the ADs but am finding myself sleeping ALOT. Have also lost some weight and appetite has dropped; not sure if the extra weight was due to the depression (so losing it is a good thing); or if something's not quite right in my system or balance of meds yet. At least I'm not waking up crying or angry any more, or finding myself teary during the day.

Interestingly, I'm finding that I'm the one distancing in the M now; just don't feel like trying to do the work of connecting; it's so tiring; I'd rather just have a nap or go to work. I just kind of feel - flat. He asks me if I'm ok, and I say yes because I just don't feel like having another one-sided conversation where I talk, he listens (yay for that at least) and says things like 'well I just don't know what to say'. Talked to one of my girlfriends a couple of times, like Sandi suggested, but I don't know if it really made me feel any better. Maybe there's not much others can say to make it better.

I guess a lot of this comes down to me climbing out of it alone. The thought of it makes me tired, but maybe that's just the reality of it.

All of this may be related to the meds. It takes a few weeks for SSRI's/ NERI's to equilibrate. If you are tired, let yourself rest. If it continues after another two weeks, talk to yoru doc.

[FindingMyVoice]

Hugs to you SG, and no need to apologize. I so appreciate you sharing your story. I'm surprised to hear you say that do don't feel you 'do' DB well... reading your story I'd think you do it very well. I can't imagine the courage it took to put your daughter in the hospital, plus get the police to intervene when you did - you must have been so afraid.

There are many people (and I'm speaking from personal experience) who should have reached out for such help and support for their children in crisis, who never did. Your daughter, despite her struggles will benefit for years as she becomes an adult, from the unconditional love and leadership you showed.

I really am in awe of the fact that despite all the setbacks: your daughter's frightening stay at the 2nd hospital, your own personal health crisis, you kept trying. When something didn't work you didn't lay down and give up; you kept reaching out, trying different options, asking for help and finding the people to talk to that worked for you, even if it wasn't traditional family and personal counseling. And talking, even though as you say, your communication wasn't optimal, you kept talking. You didn't shut down and go to separate corners. Wow. That's love. And really, isn't that what DB is all about?

Thank you, thank you for sharing your story SG. It gives me much hope.

------

OOh!! PS
Also wanted to share that I used your 'the medium is the message' idea; you'd mentioned it briefly before, and the idea really caught at me -

Despite the emotional abuse my mother tends to subject me to, I've still felt compelled to keep in touch with her and my father (in large part because my dad is very ill with Parkinson's). But the phone conversations... ohhh...they were horrible. I just couldn't do them anymore because they'd upset me to the point I'd end up with racing heart, days of self-blame, guilt and heartache, and the worst -numbing out with alcohol.

So now I've begun writing a regular email to update them both on our lives. Don't know if it's what they'd ideally want but it's all I can or will offer them, given my past experiences. Hopefully they'll reply back; if not, at least I know I've done my part to connect without subjecting myself to the abuse. So thank you for the suggestion. It's eased my mind a lot.

Thank you again for your story; I didn't find it 'all over the place' at all. It is very inspiring and again, gives me much hope. Warmest hugs to you for all you've endured and over overcome, and for sharing. FMV.