"So are you saying I should just start to expect D and if it doesn't happen then it is a plus?"
You don't "expect" a D. You face the reality that it could happen. Think of it like having cancer. You know that one possibility is death. You acknowledge it and come to peace with it. Then you get up and see what steps you can do to prevent it. Face your fear of D.
"I am scared. I'm scared of losing her. I'm scared to raise my kids by myself. I'm scared to be alone. I'm scared she will find someone else. I'm scared to lose the dream house and community we built 2 1/2 years ago. I'm scared to death of living another day without her."
And that's why you fail.
"What do I take from that? Is this sign for me to give up? I don't want to, but if she has now told her family and my neighbors that it is over, what is there for me to do? She told me she doesn't love me and she'd be a fool to try again. Is this where I don't believe anything she says?"
No you stop analyzing every little thing she does and start doing living your life.
Take care of your priorities first. Get a job, build back your self-esteem. Stop thinking about her and detach. Let her go. It doesn't mean you give up. It means that you aren't going to be paralyzed by every single move SHE makes.
If you don't believe in God, then what do you believe in? If you can believe in something, believe in yourself. Look at your kids and become the man that they can look up to at the end of the day. How do you think they would feel if they heard you just now. That you're afraid of they're mom. Is that something you want them to spread around at school? That daddy's scared?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
