Deju vu, but new to the online forum...round 2

[mj144]

So are you saying I should just start to expect D and if it doesn't happen then it is a plus?

I am scared. I'm scared of losing her. I'm scared to raise my kids by myself. I'm scared to be alone. I'm scared she will find someone else. I'm scared to lose the dream house and community we built 2 1/2 years ago. I'm scared to death of living another day without her.

I don't know how to go about not being so. I hope being out of the house will help that. That is yet to be seen.

I come to the house every morning to take the kids to school since I am unemployed. This AM, I was getting the kids ready to go out the door and ask her if she'd like for me to start her car in the garage. She says no and not 2 mins. later, she goes out and does it herself. I ask her about it and she simply says she can handle it. She had the dog out this morning and he gets surrounded by coyotes. My D7 tells me the story. I ask my wife about it and one word answers. Now she had moved beyond this type of behavior when I had discussed the whole move out and she was back to being cordial to/of me. Now since I lost my job, it is like she has built the wall back up and it feels like it is even higher than it was before.

She went skiing for 2 nights with neighbors and she opened up to 3 of the women on the block about our sitch. So far, 2 have told me that she has said she is done and they didn't see any light as far as saving the M. What do I take from that? Is this sign for me to give up? I don't want to, but if she has now told her family and my neighbors that it is over, what is there for me to do? She told me she doesn't love me and she'd be a fool to try again. Is this where I don't believe anything she says?

My only hope again is to find a new job so that I can put that aside and pray for a miracle...and I don't pray.