My husband and I have gone a long time without sex (I think it was May when we last had sex). I'm the low sex person and know what I have to do, but my husband thinks that it's awkward. How do we get back in to intimacy? We're like roommates right now, rather than husband and wife. I don't want to lose him, but just don't know how to start...without the awkwardness....can you help??
I will offer a few suggestions but you need to find out what will work for the two of you.
I would suggest that you tell him that you are in pain and would like to work on improving your marriage and regaining sexual intimacy. Tell him that you know you have hurt each other but that you want to work through that. Don't be surprised if he isn't in a huge amount of emotional pain and can't deal with what you are telling him, if so, tell him you understand his pain, are sorry about it and that when he can, you would still like to talk about improving things between you. Then show him emotional love, support and affection in everyday life.
I would suggest you start by suggesting that each of you gets a good medical check up with full blood work, hormorne levels, etc. That way you will both know if there are any underlying medical problems.
Next, I would suggest one of three options (a) get some conseling with a sex therapist, (b) use an approach in one of MWD's books, (c) try a weekend marriage relationship workshop (there are lots of different ones out there) (or some combination or all of the above).
You are a very brave woman to realize this and he is lucky that you want things to change. Now you may need to start changing the way he views you by making him feel loved.
Good luck
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
MWD has lots of great books on improving marriage. I am assuming that you have taken advantage of her first chapter of free reading on SSM. It is really worth buying the book and sharing (and discussing) it with your spouse.
If you have already read the SSM, an interesting website you might want to look at to specifically address many of the topics in your question is the following:
