I think that if my wife really wanted a divorce then she would have left along time ago. I maybe wrong, but if after 18 months of being emotionally involved with another man and she still doesn't know what she wants then I think this is good for our family.
In some respects, I have been luckier than most here, because when the Bomb was dropped on me it wasn't that my wife wanted a divorce and was already out the door. She knew that I was no longer the man she had married but wasn't sure what her next steps were going to be because of her loyalty to our kids.
By me being able to make permanent changes which I have demonstrated over the past 14 months, her ending the marriage now would make her the bad guy and not me given her EA and unwillingness to work on the marriage etc. She probably would have been better off leaving me 14 months ago when I was the angry jerk and the obvious bad guy.
As much as I would like the immediate personal satisfaction that the hard-line discussion would generate, it would not be good long term. I have survived the last 14 months, and if I look back and compare I think I am in a better place than I was 14 months ago re the following:
1) I have made permament changes that have improved who I am as a father and person.
2) My wife and I actually communicate more now then we did in the months leading up to the Bomb dropping.
3) My wife's EA has been confirmed and exposed. Her fantasy world has been turned upside down.
4) I have a better relationship with my children thanks to this process.
5) I have a better chance of getting my wife back now then I had back then. It may not be much of a chance, but it is still better than none.
Hopefully this will be helpful to others. Will continue to post as this "process" continues to unfold with all of its twists and turns.
