rysmom, Actually I do see a counselor about every 2 weeks. As I told you before I have nothing to hide. She helped me to get my self-esteem back and stop thinking about the OM in my sitch. It's been great.
IMO, I don't think you are. You mentioned you were thinking of seeing one but then stopped. If you are seeing one, what are their thoughts on your actions? What have they suggested you do?
If you say that you are, then let us know. I recall you also stopped taking meds. So in all cases I'm concerned for you. You start something one week like meditation or tennis or the D support group, then drop it the next. You need something consistent in your life right now to keep you busy and get your mind off of your H.
If you don't, you will continue to obsess over the OW and not help you at all. Take care of you and your son. That's all you can do right now. You can't will your H to come home or the OW to leave. You have to build yourself up to be able to stand strong on your own and not rely on your H. Right now he is controlling you because you allow it. He's just living his life. You've got to do the same with yours. Again if not for you, then for the sake of your son.
Think about it this way. If your son were asked if he thought you were a strong woman, what would he say? Be the example of strength for him.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
