Lighthouse lit till WAW comes out of fog.

[Denver_2010]

Thanks dbmod.

Thanks Denver. It is just getting so darn hard. Never seeing any baby steps or anything positive just to keep going.

I have never seen any sign of A, but now she is getting a laptop. Why? She has never used a computer for anything more than looking up recipes and shopping. (which has gotten out of hand). I know I should not read things into this,but I can not help what it looks like.

I have a question that has been weighing on my mind since the bomb. I would like to have a response from Sandi2 on it, but anyone with any thoughts would be fine.

The last few times we ML, 2 weeks before bomb, I noticed teary eyes from her. I remember asking if anything was wrong, and she said, "it's nothing". I figured it was maybe just something womanly. Well, obviously it wasn't. This is what I mean by no communication.

Well after the bomb and telling me she hasn't loved me for 3-5 years, I asked her why she initiated and ML to me a few weeks ago? She said,"because it was the only thing that made you happy". Remember that I was a grumpy,angry, verbally abusive man at the time.

Does this sound like a woman who is out of love? I mean, why even bother initiating ML, if you don't love me,like me, and can't even stand to be around me, why initiate ML just to make me happy?

She had also mentioned about ML over the past that she just felt like it was her wifely duties and it was what married people do. I can see this at the times that I initiated it, and she was just going along with it, but why would she initiate it? Just to put me in a better mood?

I would think if you did not love someone and didn't like them, you would avoid ML to them pretty darn hard. Wouldn't you?

It is the most difficult thing that I have ever gone through Habit. I bet you'd agree with me on that.

Don't worry about the computer deal. Honestly, I wouldn't read much into that at all. Now if you see her shutting it down or minimizing when she is on it and you walk into the room... then maybe worry. JMO.

And I will give you somewhat the answer that you'd like on ML question. I do think it is bc she still loves you. I do NOT believe that any of our W's have just stopped loving us. I actually think that this rarely happens when love is real. But there is a difference bw loving someone and having that "in love" feeling. Loving someone is caring about their happiness, their safety, and well being. Being "in love", IMO, has more to do with how the other person, whom we DO love, make US feel. It's the butterfly feelings when that person walks in the room. It's that need to be with that person as much as possible. It's the feeling of missing that person when they are not around. I think the "in love" feeling more of a selfish thing, and I don't mean selfish in a bad way. Just what WE get out of being with someone, committing to someone. Their loss of this feeling is why we are here, not bc they don't love us. I don't know if that makes sense. But anyway...

I have no doubt that your W loves you Habit, just like I have no doubt that my W loves me. But are they "in love" with us now or when the bomb dropped? Mine wasn't/isn't. She told me so and I believe her. I think that my depression, my unhappiness, and general unpleasantness caused that to go away. I mean who is going to have butterfly feelings, miss someone, or want to be with someone when that someone has been miserable to be around for months upon months?

I'll go further and say this about my explanation... I love my W right now as I write this. I will probably always love her whatever happens. BUT, I am NOT "in love" with her right now. I miss her, yes. But her choice to leave me, to put me through the emotional stress and hurt that she is putting me through does not make me have warm feelings for her, let alone butterfly feelings. But the difference bw me and my W is that I truly believe that we can be "in love" with each other again. She, presently, does not. Or at least that is what I suspect she believes.

Lastly, I also believe that our W's were planning the bomb long before they dropped it. Call it the Manhattan Project! I'd laugh at my own comment if it were not so sad. Our Ws didn't all of sudden decide that they were done with the M. It was months, maybe years, in the works. So when you and she ML in the weeks prior to the bomb, she probably knew that she was close to dropping it. Thus, the tears in her eyes. JMO Habit. Take it for what its worth... probably nothing.