Deju vu, but new to the online forum...round 2

[Denver_2010]

MJ - I need this advice as anyone here, but you have to stay positive man. I know that it is hard, but if we think bad thoughts, we will act them out whether we know it or not. Have you read Divorce Remedy? Read the chapter on "act as if". You need to practice more of that... as do I.

Also, you have agreed to go with no lawyers and yes, that will speed up the process. I haven't been as critical of your decision to physically separate as others have been, but here, I have to be a little critical.

First, I don't know if you've read many of my threads, but I am a lawyer. NOT a divorce attorney. Just a little disclaimer there. Anyway, one of the most notable sayings in my profession is "a lawyer who has himself for a client, is a fool" or something along those lines. The point is, we lawyers are taught NOT to represent ourselves when we face legal problems. Why? Bc we cannot separate what is legally in our best interest from our emotional responses to what is happening with our legal issue. That applies in all legal situations, criminal, divorce etc.

Why would this be any different for the non-lawyer? It is NOT. Getting a lawyer to represent you does not have to be an act of war. Retaining a lawyer is only an act of protecting yourself and making sure that you are treated fairly. As I told my W when she responded angrily to finding out that I have consulted a D lawyer, "I am not a divorce attorney and I want to make sure that we BOTH end up with an fair outcome if we go in direction of D".

That is all true. However...

I also know that I can somewhat delay things with the help of a D lawyer. I can make the lawyer out to be the bad guy when I disagree with what W may want during course of D. This helps deflect some blame from me if this happens in my situation. If it comes to this, I'm going to tell my lawyer that I want her to delay things as long as possible without making me look like I'm being an a*s to W. I'm also going to tell lawyer that I want MC, maybe even that Retroville (spelling) program, before D finalized. The bottom line is, a D lawyer can actually help you delay things which gives W more chance to question her decision. The easier you make this for her, the more likely it is going to happen!

My DB Coach also advised me not to help W with D or LS in any way. I plan on following this advice and I suggest that you do the same.

Just my 2 cents.

Denver