But last Sunday after our weekly family breakfast, we were all leaving the restaurant when my mom asked me how I was doing with my healing process. We talked a little bit and she told me that she was still very angry with XW. I found myself explaining to her that she shouldn't be mad at her because XW didn't leave just to hurt me. I found myself explaining MLC to her (again) and how XW was actually just trying to find herself. While I wasn't defending or condoning XW's actions, I was surprised that I was able to explain to my mom what was likely going on in my XW's life, based on how MLC works.
And I was 'rewarded' with some intel.
My mom told me that she originally wasn't going to tell me about this, but she shared with me that she had called my XMIL and talked with her for a while. The convo eventually steered toward the subject of my XW and the OM. And, while my mom told me that there wasn't anything specifically said by my XMIL about him, my mom got the distinct impression from her that my XMIL thought that the OM was a bum and that she couldn't fathom why my XW not only could not see this for herself, but would even seriously consider making the relationship permanent.
Of course, the "making the relationship permanent" bit came as no surprise. Her diary entries told me that she planned to marry the OM all along once the divorce was final, and the whole bit about her getting her birth cert and SS card back from me holds this out. (Although she still has yet to make an effort to get either of these items back from me, I found out that it is surprisingly easy to get a replacement birth cert in this state.)
Ironically, this intel, rather than sending me into a spiral, actually gave me hope and redoubled my ability to stand.
My XW is a highly intelligent woman. (or was, until the MLC hit anyway.) There was always a very, very small part of me that wondered if I was fooling myself into labeling this as MLC.
That part is totally gone now.
Because I know with a very high degree of probability that the OM is a loser, that she can't see it (both of which follow the MLC playbook here perfectly), and that, if she does M him, things are not likely to go well.
And she's already demonstrated that she has absolutely no problem with D.......
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
