Working on acceptance and forgiveness

[AntoniaB]

Beatrice, thanks so much. That was really helpful.

I have successfully pulled myself out of this depression cycle. I ended up driving to a used book store today and getting a lot of terrific books (I read one already which is really cool/inpiring and keeps talking about living in the present--The Alchemist if you're interested) and having a lovely lunch by myself in a restaurant near the bookstore. I also got myself a really cool teapot and teacup and some incense and came home and had a wonderful session of reading and a nap. I just feel calmed down now. I also ordered some books Eric and others have recommended on codependency and detachment and overcoming abandonment. These books all look like they're about recovery and taking care of yourself and I think at this point I need to stop focusing on the "why" and such (which I do when I read stuff on MLC) and just chalk it up to I know "why" in as much detail as I ever will, and there is no point to going back there any more. I have to just be in the present.

My girlfriend gave me a mantra that she uses any time she feels herself slipping into the pain of her past. She says "that way madness lies." It's from King Lear. The context of the quote is that when we get our minds wrapped up in something we can't change from our past it threatens to destroy us in the here and now. So when I feel myself drawn into thinking about him, I just keep repeating that phrase. It's madness to continue down that path anymore.