H and I just had a long R talk, like five hours of talking. We rehashed some of our feelings about old things and our fears about things now. We both shed a few tears. H basically admitted that he is still majorly uncertain about reconciling, because of his past behavior. He says he never thought that he could be a guy who would do/say all of the things that he did to me, but he clearly became that guy. He is afraid that he will become that way again if we reconcile, but he is also afraid to lose me.
I discussed with him some of the changes that have taken place and how we could carry them over into the M if he ever came back. We also cleared up some misunderstandings. So, I feel like the talk was a good thing. As you all know, I was dreading any R talk because it never felt like we resolved anything or figured anything out.
I don't feel like the conversation put us any closer to reconciling, but I do feel like we understand each other a little better.
Sandi2 said this: A healthy R is when you can have a well-rounded life that includes other things besides him (except OP, of course).
And so I'm focusing on that well-rounded life part.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
