Big talk tonight. I am a wreck, need support.

[hope2011]

Thank you, Sandi, very much.

Yes, Love Dare is a bit pursuing... I'm not doing everything the book suggests because of that. Mostly taking the day-to-day, focus on positive stuff, focus on my part stuff from it.

You are right, about pretty much everything.

I am working on the respect by being focused. I am battling a lot the fact that right now, he hasn't earned it and doesn't deserve it based on his behavior. So I am focusing on the fact that as a person, as my husband, as the man I married... he should get my respect. Just staying focused on that and praying he returns to the man I respected.

He's not on the computer a lot, just work hours (he works from home). He locks it down while not working, goes to Google when I walk in the room. My XH cheated on-line before his PA. It's been hell reliving all that but I'm focusing on that this time... I have a chance to chance the situation before a PA. I hope. I can at least try. Whatever he does, he does - that's on his heart and conscience... I will be a good wife and will make decisions that I can live with instead of being a complaining shrew who pushes him away. But at the end of the day, I know I can control only me.

For me.... looking for a new office to get out of the house. Losing weight (lost 11 lbs in the past week from stress - need to lose 10 more). Need to work out more. 2 dates with the girls to get out of the house. Reading books I've wanted to read for a while. Making myself get up and get dressed, hair and makeup.... started out for him, now it's for me. I feel better doing that. Getting more organized, getting things in order, working more regular hours. I have a place to move to if we do separate (house-sitting for a relative who is living out of town for his job). I have friends and family who are a good support system. I'm looking for a new church. I'm trying to be more positive.