On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[sandi2]

I do know that I feel like a schmuck the past couple of days that I am just sitting here patiently waiting while W just does whatever it is she's doing!

I don't think you have much patient, Denver, b/c I was responding to your old thread and you started a new one b/c you didn't think the other was getting enough attention.

Anyway, one of your problems is that you are sitting there waiting for her while she's doing whatever. As a man, you feel that you must do something to fix this.

You are hearing different schools of thought and doubting your process. I understand that. I have had a change of mind while I've been on the boards too. I still see each stitch as separate issues and how they should be dealt. I'm not totally divorced from the hard line school, but here is what I've tried to take into account just the past couple of months. You can give her the ultimatum of choosing you or OM, but you better be ready to get divorced b/c that's what happens in most cases. You can keep your pride or self-respect in tact....but lose your M.

OTOH, you can take your focus off of her and realize that she has separated from you and thinks you have no say in what she does. So, you can go dark, drop the rope and live your life as if she's not coming back. I'm not saying to file for D, just live your life. If you do this, there is a chance the A will die and she'll see your changes and want to go back and work on the M. In this case, you have your new changes and a new shot at a new R with your W.

So, I'm not telling you which way you need to go, but I can almost guarantee what will happen if you give her an ultimatum. Yes, an A is the ultimate disrespect. I also believe that a woman has to respect her H before she can have loving feelings toward him. Right now, your W is too confused to know what she feels. How long did you disrespect her by continuing your excluded friendships? Not accusing, just saying that you need to look at this both ways.