Need advice and support to keep hope

[sandi2]

I would advise you not to tell your W that you will discontinue contacts with OW.....at this time. I don't think you need to tell her that you can see how this affected her and that you are sorry......at this time. Here's what you need to do: Stop the contacts with all your XGF's and this present female friend. You need to let some time pass while doing this operation before discussing it with your W. You may discover that it's harder than you realize.

I think you've come a long ways to see (and admit) that these women were filling an emotional need you had. It's okay to say you need your ego boosted. How can we fix things if we don't see the truth, right? We all need our ego stroked, but we need to be very careful in what/who we turn to in order to get it. After all, that is what EA's are all about.

I know I could not handle my H talking to ex-girlfriends or any OW like that, b/c not only does it do something to her self-esteem, but she knows what it can lead to. She knows that they were giving you something that was not their place to do.

Anyway, don't tell her what you are going to do. Just do it. After you stop contact with OW, I think you will truly begin making great strides in changing for the better.

Things have a way of getting back to the S. There will be a door opened at some point that will be the right time to tell her how sorry you are and what you did to correct that. But right now, I'm not so sure she will believe it.

If you have any pictures of you and any OW on FB, you need to delete it. I think if you deleted any of those ex-girlfriends and other OW friends under 60 yrs of age, who are not relatives,....then that would be the first thing that got your W's attention. If you feel that you need to give any of them an explanation, do it privately. Tell them you won't continue a friendship where your W doesn't belong. Don't get pulled into an argument or long explanations or discussions about your M problems. Personally, I don't think you should tell them anything....just delete them, b/c these women will try to tear your W down and say she doesn't deserve you...yada, yada. A woman who has any class or morals knows it's not right to flirt with a M man......and I know there had to be a little flirting in there somewhere or you would not have been interested.

This friend who is going through M problems of her own....well, that's how A's start. Don't get pulled into that. Break it right now. So what if might sting feelings, is that more important than getting back with your W?

If your W has access to your FB and your email, then she will see that you've cut contact with OW.