When it comes to a settlement, there is no go way to DB. The threat of their "so called" money being taken away from them makes them even worse in the idiot department. The only thing you need to do is keep you and your children need to survive. You can remain civil during the entire settlement/divorce, but nothing says you have to bend over backwards to please him in any department. Smile, stand up straight and stick to your guns...do not waffle. It's very important that you go in w/a clear view as to how life will be once both of you have signed on the dotted line. You can also db once the dust settles.
SA, my xh walked out the door 12/1999 and he filed 12/2001 and we were divorced 06/2002. I attempted to have a separation put into place but he would never approve/sign it. As you can see...more than 15 months. Some will file immediately, others will drag it out forever.ill have a child to co-parent and you can be civil and eventually he may settle down enough that you two can actually have pleasant conversations. It all takes time.
My xh was a nasty somebody from the minute he walked out in 1999 until 2005. He then wanted to become friends, yeah right...friends to him meant asking for things from my home. Whenever he drops me an email...I always know it's about him and want he would like me to give him from my home. My answer is always no, but I coat it with a niceness that could slice a sane person to death. No once has he asked if I need anything...as you can see, it took him a long time to soften up enough to have a strange, but normal conversation w/him. BTW, he's still out to lunch. My expectations have never risen above -0.
SA, just be yourself and don't allow your heart to rule when it comes to settlement. What may happen after the divorce....well...let's wait and see..okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
