Can't seem to tell what stage or what i'm doing

[Metal]

We have 3 children. S17, D11, S5.
Yep, almost finished with DR book. Very helpful.
She went to treatment for about 1 week, but it didn't seem very helpful, she got Wellbutrin, and her Exit-Plan was that she was going to leave me. Uhg! She is in counseling, and getting good advice there though (i'm doing some counseling for myself too).

Reading DR yesterday, it almost seems that she falls into the Mid-Life-Crisis chapter. From the things she says, and losing weight, going to gym, trying to redefine who she is. We're both 37.

The main complaint about "breaking", is from "Not Accepting her". And i can see her point, I have done some things in the past to try and change her. She is a powerful woman, and I have tried to tone-her-down in subtle ways. I know that was not good. Also having her in-laws live with us (in the basement-inlaw suite) was bad for her. I have since asked them to leave. And they'll be leaving in February.

I keep getting this message from her now. "Why couldn't you have made these changes b4 I was broken?"

FYI: She didn't go partying, but I know she may in the future.

We have these mixed interactions daily. Like she let me give her a back rub while we watched a movie, but then after, she fussed about how I should look for a new woman who will be more like what I want. I just listen, and apologize for the harm that I have caused her and the marriage, try to tell-her/show-her I have changed. And indeed I feel like a very different man from all of this.