DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

[mj144]

Hearing it from the W is bad enough, but reading things I shouldn't be reading and seeing it to other people I think is worse. I saw a text from my W to my SIL where my SIL was asking about what to get me for Christmas, my W tells her to get me a 2 bit so that I leave her alone. Then I read an email to her and they were talking about a night they are planning out in a couple weeks when I am watching my daughters. Now that we don't live together her comment was something like now that she is single and I am watching the D, she doesn't have to get permission from 'the bastard' to go out. Now that was downright painful to read. Granted, I shouldn't have been snooping, but what is that all about?

I think a lot about how angry they get at us as if we have done the things vindictively or purposefully to them that they were unhappy with. Like we sabotaged the M on purpose. That along with the fact that they don't believe that we will make permanent changes. I mean for crying out loud, why in the hell wouldn't we want to make the changes. We love them and want to be with them.

I feel so alone at times with my thoughts and then I read posts from you guys(habitacker, SIC, Denver) and realize that we are all in such similar sitches except there is no A in mine, but the behavior from the W is the same. I continue with the fear and thought of how she is just going about her life, going on ski weekends with the girls like this weekend, planning on other nights out with the girls, referring to herself as single and although time is supposed to be our ally, how is it not that time is also having the opposite effect of them getting more comfortable without us. I guess that is what detaching and GAL is all about. Apparently something I haven't quite done.

I just need to get a new job quickly and put that albatross away before I can even think that she will start looking at me in even the slightest positive light. Next week will be the first whole week I am out of the house, so I am hoping that I can start truly detaching and GAL.