I am in the same place in terms of my emotions. My wife and I are still together but she is having an EA which I have confronted her about, but which she has not ended.
I too am wrestling with the wait and see approach vs setting the hard boundaries. The wait and see approach is frustrating because she gets the benfits of having a home, financial support and a family and gets her other emotional needs met by the OM.
I wake up to nothing and go to bed with nothing re the wife not providing any emotional support. She doesn't even have the decency to say goodnight to me.
I would like nothing more than to give her the hardline boundaries speech, but am fearful that it will push her to divorce. If we did not have any kids, i would go there in a second, but am trying to keep things going as long as possible for the benefit of the kids.
I don't mind giving my wife time to sort out what she needs, but not when OM is in the picture.
