On Figurative Ledge - Talk Me Down?

[zengypsy]

Hi again Denver.

I have been where you are. I still have days where I struggle, where I miss my H SO very much. You have to come to terms that your spouse right now, for whatever reason is NOT the women you married. She's still in there but SHE is going to have to re-find herself; you can't do it for her.

What you can do and have to do is focus on yourself. Get yourself stronger - as DR recommends GAL. Take up a hobby, rearrange your furniture, count snowflakes, keep a journal - anything. You have to force yourself to take away the focus on your M because there is nothing you can do about it at the moment. Is it hard? Without a shadow of a doubt but you can do it. More of the same will only get you the same. Your W is very clear about where YOU stand make no bones about that even if she isn't letting on that she does. You know that begging, pleading, blaming, pushing, showing your weak will not entice her to come back. Moer of the same will only get you the same. You have to show her that you are the person she fell in love with, that you can have a life without her even though you want one with her.

Do 180's - Go buy some new clothes, get a new haircut, work out, get a new job, go out with friends, go to church, volunteer etc. Your M depends on it. I would also advise that you don't have any contact with her at this juncture unless it's for financial, child issues. Your W doesn't see you in a different light right now. She thinks the OM is going to giver her what she thinks she's lacking in the M with you. Your actions must speak louder than your words.

If she wants a legal seperation or divorce, let her initate it. And if you have to lawyer up, she will possibly have to pay your legal fees since you didn't want this to begin with and you were forced in a way to get legal representation because you need to protect yourself.

You can move on without giving up even if a LS or D happens. You can be the greener grass. Sometimes the best thing is to let them go, so they can step back and see with more clarity what they have lost or could potentially lose. Reconnection has to come before reconciliation.

Focus on YOU first and foremost. YOU CAN DO IT!