Ok I get you totally--when my H left last year I felt I worked on his list of things I needed to improve (though in retrospect I did it half-heartedly) and he left anyway. Now I fixed them for real and he still isn't back. Guess what? That's because their leaving has never been about us entirely. It has been about them and us 50/50 or maybe even more about them. Maybe it is more like 75/25 for the issues/reasons they left.
I am thinking that once we stop blaming ourselves and really come to a place of "it is what it is, so what do I do for me now?" that we'll find some detachment and peace.
And by the way, the changes you made in that 3 years, if they were things that made you a better person, well, they're for you. Your life will be better as a result. You don't need for him to be in your life in order for you to benefit from your personal changes and feel validated by them. They are for you before anyone else.
And yeah, I just cleaned my kitchen on a Sat. night. What a different life I live now compared to before.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
