Situation Normal; All Flummoxed Up

[AntoniaB]

Hi crushed, I don't think I've ever written to you before, and I'm not nearly as far as you are in months post-bomb, but you mentioned the cycling and the depression and I am right there right now too. This is the first "major" cycling backwards that I've done in the 7 months post-bomb. I really thought I was progressing beyond my wildest dreams, and then just a series of things happened and boom, I felt today almost like I was back in month one.

My psychiatrist told me the other day (when I told her I was slipping backwards) that this meant there was unfinished business for me. That there were things I missed. She said the cycling is there to teach us to ask and answer questions, so it is tough, but it has a purpose, and we will come out of it.

Today I talked to a friend about this and she said it's like I'm on this elevator that goes down to the basement, and the basement is the depression/cycling backward. She said I have to stop pushing the button to go down, or if I do push it, get back on the elevator and go to a higher floor. This visual is really helping me out. I thought maybe it might help you too.

Keep the faith in yourself. I think depression, even a subtle bit of it, plays tricks with our minds. A few hours ago today I was literally a wreck, panicky and fearful that I couldn't stop this cycle backwards, like it was all going to be "fresh" again. And the more I visualize that elevator, the more I realize that I can choose to pull myself out if I keep at it.

Best to you.