Denver, I personally do not believe M people should have "friendships" with the opposite sex when it excludes the S. That is asking for M problems!

Quote:
During our R and M I always had female friends whom I did know prior to meeting W that I considered my friends. During the first few years of R, I was resistant to including W (the GF) in on the relationships. Why? I honestly don't know. Probably my stupid fear of losing my independence. As W and I's relationship progressed though, I gradually weeded most of those female friends out of my life. At least they became much less prominent in my life. But W would still see them on FB and the damage had been done early in our R. W always had trust issues with me bc I had a number of female friends who she was never allowed to get to know. My bad... big time.

And yes, I have been reconnecting with an old female friend who is going through a divorce. I have been honest with W about it. thus, W's comment to me that I have so many women in my life who she has no idea about. Not to mention the emails that she found from 5 years ago. In any case, I have never cheated on W. I guess it doesn't matter though since W does not believe me.


I think this is worse than just "your bad". Even if you did not have a physical A with any of these women, your W felt cheated on by you having private friendships with opposite sex that did not include her. I suspect that if the shoe had been on the other foot, you would not have appreciated that. How do you think it made her feel? I can tell you how I would have felt and it would not be good. I don't know a single woman who would have liked their H having excluded friendships with OW. Now, she sees you still doing the same thing. Maybe that's why she feels the M can't be fixed.

Until you are ready to give up all these OW, she will continue to feel that you are having EA's. Can you not see that? Why on earth would you cut your W out of that, unless these OW were filling some emotional need that you had? There is nothing right about that, and until you show her that she is the only woman you care about having in your life....then you won't be able to say enough words to change her mind about D.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!