Need advice and support to keep hope

[Truegritter]

Denver

Sorry man I just saw your responses today and I did check back on you. Don't know what happened.

First

"I just don't see how this can be fixed... how things can ever be comfortable again"

I can identify with how this makes you feel. You want to fight back and convince her not to think that way.

The first thing you must begin to understand here and pretty quick

YOU CANNOT CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON

Validating her feelings is not agreeing with her. It is merely recognizes that she has them and that you are listening.

But you really aren't listening. You are defending yourself and trying to convince her her feelings are wrong or misguided.

You have admitted to some things about yourself that you say your W may have complaint.

I would say to you that you need to dig deeper there. You kept these relationships with other woman she did not know.

How do you think that made her feel? Ok valid?

Now the big question is why Denver? Why did YOU choose that?

Also do you think taking up with other women whether physical or just emotional is helping you in trying to save your M?

I am not here to kick you in the cowboys but you need to look at the whys of the what you are doing and have done.

Your SS. This is going to be difficult for you to get a grip on. I know you feel the need to try to rescue him. Why force his father to see him? Why force anything here Denver?

You care about him. You want him to know that you have not abandoned him.

Tell your W that is important to you and that under the circumstances you want to repsect her wishes and what she ultimately sees as best for her son.

Don't push on this issue. Letting her know you repsect her judgment on that may go a long way or it won't. Either way ultimately you have no say in the matter I am afraid.

When you interact with your W you say it is diffucult and you takes backward steps.

Then don't interact with her. Don't be mean or spiteful. Respond to her for whatever it is that she is contacting you about. Do it in email or text if you have to.

You must begin to detach and most importantly stop focusing on your W and every little word that comes out of her mouth.

If you look at your M and in the mirror today are you happy with the man you were and are. Are you proud of the husband you have been?

Start asking yourself those questions.

Then undertsand that what you choose from this point on is for you. Whether you decide to stand in your M or not.

Do it for you. Not for what your W has chosen or not chosen. Not for what she has said or not said.

In fact you will see it may be in spite of what she is telling you and doing in your M right now.

That is the place of strength you must conquer your fears and doubts to get to.

And maybe. Your W will want that man back in her life.