DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

[ScaredinCanada]

Another back step...got arguing about the R shortly before my W left for work. She told she "doesn't want to be with me anymore" along with some other things and I was frustrated. Told her that I'm trying to fix myself and make permanent changes of the things I was doing wrong. She said she knows, but she "doesn't want to try anymore" she said I've had 15 years and I didn't do anything with it.

So I got mad and told her she doesn't care about me and to just get out of my life. I could see it hurt her, but she was on her way to the car for work. It sucked, I felt bad about it immediately after. I also called her a zombie, said she is emotionless and seems to be just waiting for the oppurtunity to leave.

I know this is all wrong, and I need to get a grip. I'm going to apologize to her when she gets home and I'm going to try not to speak to her for the rest of the weekend.

If it weren't for my kids - I wish I could just die. I'm not cut out for this...

I keep thinking that if she does leave I hope she never finds happiness ever again...I don't think it's how I really feel it's just the anger and frustration right now.

Sorry to fall back again...I just wanted to journal a bit.