When I confronted her, I told her that she can't be half in and half out of the marriage. If she wants to be with him then I would work through a divorce with her even though I did not want to go this route.
I don't think I was clear on the consequences. I told her that what she was doing was disrespectful and wrong but did not say what would be the consequence if she did not stop seeing him. For example, I didn't say that if you don't stop seeing him then you will have to find somewhere else to live. I did not give her a directive to stop seeing him specifically, it was more of the EA needs to end or we get a divorce. She is the one who then told me that she was not seeing him until she decided what she is going to do.
Maybe she has made up her mind and has not been able to come to terms with telling me. That is part of the reason I challenged her about buying the item for our vacation home. That is when she said we will talk later and of course we never did.
My goal is to save our marriage and protect our children from the emotional pain of going through a divorce. Achieving this goal will be difficult as long as the OM is still in the picture. My wife's interest in the marriage right now is simply ensuring that I am there to run errands and make sure the kids get to their activities. She is not interested in how I feel or what I am dealing with, this she saves for the OM. I am not sure how much of this I can tolerate knowing that she has no interest in the family as long as she has the OM.
The path to reaching my goal is to continue to DB and do those things I neglected to do in the past.
