I have been thinking about you all week and trying to think of what I could write to you that might comfort you or to offer a slightly different perspective that might afford you some peace. I know how devastated I was when my D became final and I had been M’ed only a fraction of the time you have been M’ed……… and I have been standing for 3 years less than you. You and your H have reconnected in many ways over the past few years, and especially the past few months and H has told you recently that he loves you. This is all so senseless…………..I read somewhere that the saddest Ds are those in which both parties still love one another. I still feel that pain in my situation and I know that in your situation your pain must be compounded several fold. Whatever happens, please know that we are all here for you. We understand, at least in some small way, your grief.
Originally Posted By: Sanderika
a D decree is (a piece of paper) and comes with such a painful price I have to wonder if the R, even as friendship, can sustain the damages. I am going to have to think on this long and hard. I am disgusted that I am actually faced with a D knowing how far H and I have come. I am disgusted by the fact the OW is still in his life. I feel I will completely bow out of his world after next week due to my inability to move on......
In my situation my XH wasn’t able to begin reconnecting with me until after the D and even then, I know that I do not want to be “just friends” with my XH. I can imagine how much more these feelings are compounded for you since you and H have reconnected in many, many ways over the past 5.5 years. It really makes no sense for him to move forward with the D now.
With that said, I would like to share with you some bits from Freckle6’s past threads that I have been reading recently. CW suggested that I read her thread because she and he XH began piecing 5 years after the bomb and ~4 months before their D became final in January 2010. Her XH moved back with Freckle6 and her son in October 2010. Maybe some of what is written here could give you a new perspective on your situation. Their reconnection began with this thread: www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2064616&page=1.
Originally Posted By: dday101798
For me and my "W", I truly think the D HAD TO happen in order for us to even have the remote possiblity of a second chance that we are in now half a year later from it.
It brought closure to the M problems. It brings me no shame now to say the M was in fact irrevocably broken. Everything that transpired up to the S clouded over that happiest of days when we married.
Originally Posted By: Freckle6
Yesterday I got some stuff in the mail from his lawyer and that threw me for a loop. It was the revised divorce paperwork from some court stuff we had in July. I thought he had to pay some extra money to his lawyer to get this stuff prepared and filed so I guess he did--but he could have done that 3 months ago... I guess now all it needs is the judge's signature and we'll be divorced. Go figure!
It really is just a piece of paper at this point (we've been apart 4.5 years), but it still threw me. 12 months ago it would have made me feel relieved that that part of my life would finally have closure. Now? Obviously things are different. LOL I haven't said anything about it to him. We're still in contact every day and even flirting back and forth texting at this very moment, so I'm going to try to compartmentalize the legal stuff and keep it separate from what there is between us right now.
During this past month or so that we've been spending time together I've even thought that it might be best to finish the divorce even if we reconcile. Kind of a symbolic end to all the crap of the last 5+ years so this can be a fresh start. I guess I just don't like getting tangible reminders of the symbolic end in the mail.
Originally Posted By: Freckle6
After going through all this, I firmly believe that "marriage" isn't something that can be created or severed by a legal document. It's what's in the heart that counts.
Now, how does one celebrate an un-honeymoon? LOL s
Sanderika, I ‘m sorry that the quotes above are out of context, but I wanted to give you a snippet of what was said on that thread. You may find some comfort there.
