I spent the vast majority of my post here in newcomers. If you don't want to read my story, I'll give the "Cliffs Notes" version.
My W and had a rough 2010 starting in Feb. Much of due to some issues I was going through. I had a feeling my W was unfaithful and constantly accused her of cheating or searched through her phone, email, etc. I also was becoming very needy - asking for a lot of physical affection and ILYs, etc from my W. I attribute to some depression and some other stuff I was going through.
I started to get that under control, but it took a heavy toll on W and in early Nov. she told me she wanted a D because she couldn't be in a marriage like we had the past 8 months. I also discovered she had an EA from Sept to Nov. - mostly using it as an escape from the M problems. She eventually came off the D and just wanted a S. She then came off that to. In December, she cut off contact with the OM, and agreed to MC.
December things started to improve - She agreed to sleep in the same bed after 8 weeks of sleeping in separate rooms. And a couple weeks ago, she ask me to ML for the first time in 9 weeks. However, it has been rocky since we ML (and we haven't since then). I think we are trying to feel our way around this process. We've had a couple of long talks/fights in the last week that really help me see things from her perspective. After each talk, my W assured me that "everything would be okay" and that the fights "did not derail us." However, both of us agree that the fights/talks set us back.
Yesterday, my wife told me that we just need to have things calm around us so she can reduce her anger at me and the situation. I am trying to get my feelings under control, but I realize that I am hopelessly in love with my W.
We had 2 MC session in Mid-december and due to scheduling issues the MC wasn't able to see us for nearly 3 weeks (I suspect this had a lot to due with our set back).
So that's where we are. I believe we are both committed to working on the M. But my W still has a lot of anger at me and fear that things will go back to the worst parts of the M. I am slowly trying to rebuild my trust in her because of the EA.
It is a process and I'm just kinda feeling me way around. As it stands now, we are friendly to each other, we don't ML, we sleep in the same bed, but don't have any real physical intimacy like hugging, hand holding, ILYs, etc.
I'm letting her take the lead on the ML for sure and most of the other small things. I'd like to initiate some of those, but I don't know if it's okay.
The other night during our fight she said "I just want to hear you say I'm sorry and I love you." Threw me off a little
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
