Last nite was bad. She was snooping around in my email and found an email that I found while snooping around in her email. (Make sense?)LOL! I had forwarded it to myself and my sister, who is the only person on my side that I have told. The W was furious. I said yes, I was snooping - but so were you. I feel terrible that we have been reduced to this, spying, suspicious of everything double checking stuff, phone records, etc. But I had to know what was going on.
Now that I have confirmed my suspicions of EA, I think I need to just let it go. I mean it has consumed me since I first found out she wanted to leave. It is doing me no good obsessing about whether she is texting him, seeing him on her lunch hour, or even thinking about him. I was getting obsessed with her obsession, which I'm sure can't be healthy.
I do wonder if it has turned physical, but have no real proof of that - in fact I think it probably has not. Like I have mentioned earlier, she has taken the position that she is going to protect that relationship. She doesn't want anyone to think that he was the guy that broke up our marriage, and she doesn't want our kids to not like him. She wants to keep it so secret, that everyone will think that she left me for other reasons, and that she met him and started their relationship after the fact. Like everything was done properly. And everyone will approve of their relationship. And everyone will approve of her choice. And everyone will like him. Whatever.
I know what you mean about telling the kids and putting pressure on. Believe me - I want to get my spin in first so bad. BUT, that is me wanting to hurt her like she has hurt me. And I don't want to include the kids in on that. I have to remind myself that they are not tools in our relationship, but victims. I want them to have normal lives (as much as they can) and have normal, healthy relationships of their own. Their happiness is of utmost importance to me.
I think I will tell them just enough to know what and why. These things have a way of revealing themselves over time. I think that after awhile they will realize just exactly what happened, and I will not have been the bad guy for trying to make their mother look bad. In other words, I think that I will let her look bad on her own. I don't want her to have any ammo for trying to turn the kids against ME!
