Seeking, I thought NYS was a state that the woman had all the rights when it comes to a D. I know of one man in particular that his xw ended up with much of his money while he ended up losing most everything and got the bills too. FIB was the poster, he has a thread in Surviving now but doesn't post much. He is on FB too, but I'm not very handy at figuring out who is who over there to help people link. I think it would benefit you to do some research and lawyer up.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
My husband came down on a Thursday, and I was served with papers the next Monday. Now, I live in a small town in Arkansas. Where you live may be different due to population.
Something else, although this also may vary state to state. You can hold this baby up for awhile; especially if it means a larger settlement in the offing. My H is trying to close things up before he takes the civilian military contract with the big paycheck. Not going to happen.
Thank you all for your knowledge, sharing, and hard earned wisdom. It means more to me than words can ever convey to have your support during this.
WCW, I have read FIB's thread from beginning to end. I was so rooting for him during his sitch. That poor man was treated badly all the way around. He was tenacious when it came to time with his kids and I so admired that quality in him. I know we only get one side here, but IMO his XW was a fool for what she lost. That one reeked of MLC.
I am well aware that NYS favors the woman. That said, I do not want anymore from H than what is fair and just. Believe it or not, there was a time when he would have given me more than half, willingly. His love for me once was greater than his love of money.
We were saving for our future and the things we would do after the children were grown. That man has disappeared. This new guy, in his selfishness, believes that since I stayed home to raise the kids that I don't deserve half of what he's made. Even after returning to the work force and contributing to the household I didn't earn what he did, therefore I am not worth as much.
This is not mind reading on my part. These are things I've heard come out of his mouth during the 2 years before BD. In hindsight, I wished I would have researched why he changed so much back then. I thought I was dealing with depression in him. I had no idea it was so much more. I was so busy trying to fix him and make him happy again, that I didn't have time to consider that what was going on went so much deeper.
I will try to keep in mind in all of this while looking after my own interests, and that is what H is going through isn't something that he would have chosen to go through. He is not the man that he was. That said, I didn't break him, and know now that I can't fix him. I will however, do what I have to do to survive.
I don't want to rake him over the coals. He worked his butt off and made a good living for the kids and I. I felt blessed for my time at home with the kids, not many women these days get that chance if they want it. That said, being home was contributing too. I took care of everything at home so my workaholic could do what he did.
All I'm after in this is enough to live on and be comfortable if I'm blessed to make it to old age. The traveling and all that we were going to do in the future is out for me. He and ow will still get to do that even if I get half. In fact, they're doing it now.
His income potential is so much greater than mine at this point, and after he is rid of me the sky is the limit. By working OT, which is what he'll do given any opportunity, he will be able to make up what he is losing.
I will also keep in mind that I was blessed to know and love the man that he was and to be loved in return by him. For that, I'm grateful.
God bless you all, and thank you again for your support.
GAG, I'm struggling with all kinds of feelings while waiting for the 'papers' to arrive. Have no idea how they'll be delivered.
Brooklyn, Thank you. That, coming from you means so much.
I had the strangest dream last night. The kids, myself, H and ow were on vacation somewhere. The kids and I were separate from H and ow. I can remember not having much fun. It's like I was just going through the motions.
Anyway, I found that ow and I were on the same open car train. She was sitting up ahead of me. This train would move short distances at a time from station to station. I looked back and seen that H was trying to catch up to the train. Each time he would get close to boarding the train it would pull away to the next stop. This happened several times. I knew ow was aware that H was trying to catch up and couldn't. I kept wondering why she wasn't asking that the train be held for a few minutes until H caught up. I kept looking back worried about H, and ow just sat there unconcerned. I did not ask for the train to be held either as it was no longer my place.
I do not know if H boarded or not...
Then, I found myself at H's travel trailer and I was talking to him. The ow wasn't around. When I finished the convo with H, the dream ended with me walking back to my travel trailer alone.
I guess this one is full of symbolism. I'm a bit down this morning.
