New to this community seeking advice 2

[MichelleLT]

That's great that you have enough space for the boys there. Sounds like a pretty neat, albeit temporary, setup.

As for the S or D. Official doesn't matter. Fair is about the same as if you were D or legally S. Even though you don't want the D, the fact is you are S, and the boys need time with both parents. I have a buddy who has 50/50 custody with his ex. And I have friends who have every other weekend. It depends on who is home and can be home (e.g. if she is a SAHM vs you both work) and what you can agree on.

So, look at the practical considerations. Can you take them Thurs after school-Mon morn every other week? Could you take them for a whole week and alternate? Or just weekends? If you can only take them weekends, would she be amenable to 3 weekends a month or only every other one?

Fair is what you make it. Fair is somewhere between what you had when you were living in different states and you having them all the time.

What do you want? And be more specific than "more time with my kids." Ask for it, but be open to negotiations.

E.g. I could like to pick them up Thursday after school and have them through the weekend, then drop them off at school Monday morning and you can pick them up after school. (Or would exchanging them at her parents' house (I think I recall her living with family of some sort) work better?) Then ask her, what do you think?

You probably don't have the exact same idea of fair. So be flexible. Take her school schedule into account. Take your work schedule (and current vacation time :-)) into account too. You can always renegotiate in a month or two.

But don't settle for less than every other weekend IMHO. And ask for first baby-sitting rights (if she is doing something or going somewhere during her time with the kids, you get first dibs on taking them before she leaves them with other family or gets a baby-sitter) and agree to call her first if you need someone to watch the kids if that's what she wants. The more flexible and cooperative you can both be about this, the smoother and better it will be for the kids.

And whatever you decide, get it in writing of some kind (your W has not been vindictive like a lot of WASs on here, but having the visitation schedule in writing and somewhat established will be useful if things backslide). If you work it out over the phone, send an e-mail saying "just to confirm what we discussed," then lay it out.