Having a really hard time...

[what next?]

The reason why I have turned control over to her was because that was my 180. She was complaining that she didn't have an active enough role in decision making throughout our relationship. The reality is that I tried very hard to get her to make decisions but she is not comfortable pulling the trigger so most of the time I would end up being the decision maker. Pretty much I think that she doesn't feel like she knows who she is and I have to give her the space to be responsible for her actions. The sad thing is that she has just turned over the decision making to her mom so she is pretty much doing the same thing as always just with someone else at the helm.


1. Forget about control: how much value does she see in the marriage?

Obviously she doesn't see as much value in the marriage as she does in being not married. There were definitely mistakes that I made during the process that pushed her farther away. In the end though I'm not sure if anything could have kept her from having to follow through on the process. The bottom line is that she felt like she was talked out of being the person she wanted to be and she wasn't going to be talked out of this.


2. Forget about manipulation; does she want to be in the marriage?

Same as above. She doesn't think she wants to be in the marriage or she wouldn't have filed for divorce.


3. Do you really believe anything YOU do will influence her decision. Let me answer that one: No - how she feels will probably be the strongest factor.

I know that me trying to talk to her was pushing her away but I at least hope that when things cool down the points that I made will still be in the back of her mind and maybe she can start to see the points that I was trying to make.


4. What do you think will make her decide she wants to be with you, since she has apparently already decided she doesnt? See answer to #3 above.

This is where it gets pretty complicated. I really need a real job. (I have made a good living for the past 3 years playing poker which she never saw as legitimate.) I am probably going to have to look for work in Houston which is about 8 hours from here. The good news is that that would definitely make me more attractive to her and it would be very easy for her to find work there if she wanted to or for me to come back here after I get some relevant experience.

This is definitely the most important thing to my GALing. I have a lot of opportunity in Houston and almost none here so if I stay here I will most likely just continue to play poker and look unattractive to her. If i go down there and it doesn't work out then I will have done what was necessary for me to start my new life.