I read that thereare people who are pursuers and there are those who are distancers.(MLC articles on the marriage advocate link from Pickle). Pursuig is an addiction for pursuers. I am one of those. I thought I was done pursuing but later realized I was not. It has to be a conscious effort. I used to think pursuing was when one does things to try to get back the other person, and shows an expectation. I learned not. Just showing or talking or writing about how you feel for them, even if you say "I am not expecting anything" is already pursuing. Even just the look in your face is - I learned from my H that one of the reasons he wants to run is that he can't stand the expectation I have, just by the way I act and loook at him, when he knows he cannot give it. So that made me avoid even being with him for a long time in the same room, and making myself not react.... detaching, going dark ... so many terms for that. I guess we always rationalize by saying that our spouses need reassurance. But I think our being there, not deserting the M, is ressurance in itself. Our acting cool, and not angry, and not questioning, makes them know we still love them.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
