I am feeling a bit down and ragged today. You know, those days when you just feel like everything is wrong? I keep dwelling on my feelings of how unfair this whole wandering spouse thing is and how tired I am of dealing with it.
When I look back at my H's behavior over the last 13 years, he has really put me through the ringer. I always, always put my best foot forward, honored my marriage vows and believed that the best would happen. I always held on to that youthful niavete that if you did your best, if you were good, then everything would be okay. When I am alone and have time to really think and feel, I realize that much of that youthful belief has been wiped out. It's just gone and in its place, is emptiness. I guess that I should be grateful that it's not filled with bitterness or anger or any other bad thing, but right now, I am feeling the emptiness and I have to say, I don't love it.
But I am still an eternal optimist. And I know that life will move forward, my beliefs might evolve, the tears will fall, but I still get to be me - and what more could I ask for, really?
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
