DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

[angel61]

Scared and Habitacker,

I've read so many sitches that I am not sure who's is what, but from what I am seeing is that both of you have to detach from your W's actions and stop pursuing. We all know they are confused at this time, and are acting crazy, so you can't really expect them to be logical.

In the DR book, the number one advice is not to pursue. I know its really hard to do. But I myself have seen how it works, my H told me clearly that he felt pressured by my even just showing him I cared. Even if I repeated to him that I am not expecting something in return, he still said it was pressure. That is exactly what the book says. They need their space to figure out their feelings, their moves, and even the slightest push from us is felt and makes them react.
Its hard to do, I myself have been doing DB since October and thought I was detaching and not pursuing but everyday still catch myself doing little pursuing things.
It helps to keep yourself busy with other things - do GAL, figure out ways to do your 180. maybe handling your own calendar and schedule would be a good 180 - and will relieve your W of some of the stress of taking care of your activities. Plus it shows that you are getting a grip on your own life.

Scared, What I did for our anniversary was this: I asked H if he wanted to celebrate it. He said Yes, so we went out for lunch. Very low key compared to other anniversaries. I did not get him a card or a gift. I did send him a FB message though, thanking him for the care he had given me and D12 for the last 13 years.

I got him a gift for Christmas but no card either. If you can't find an "emotionless" card use one of those generic cards with no message and compose your own!

Since you did ask your Ask your W first and she said she did not want to celebrate, then if you still live together, make or buy a special dinner at home to share with the kids - make it a family celebration instead of a romantic one. That would also serve to give a message about how you want the family to remain as a unit.